So Different

Considering the wide success Dr. Robert Marzano has had reinventing the wheel in the field of education, it should come as no surprise that he now turns his eyes toward other fields. Schools have been in existence for about 2,400 years. Organized religions have been around for 4,100 years. They certainly are due for some Marzano-style revamping.

Modern Mona Lisa

My students can tell you this much about me: I suck at drawing. If I draw a cat on the board, and then a cow next to it, you won't be able to tell the difference. What do people like me with no artistic talent do to illustrate a point? We use clip-art or stock photography. If we can't find what we're looking for, we can always modify it slightly.

Marzano excels at nothing, except taking other people's ideas and presenting them in a new way. He renamed rubrics "scales," and teachers "educators." His buzzwords abound. If you want your principal to like you, tell her or him that you plan lessons with fidelity to achieve rigor. I have no clue what all this means, but it makes administrators and district suits jubilate when they hear those words.

So, what about religion? If God created the world, and Jesus saved it, then Marzano will make you hate it. Here are some ideas to make things look brand new without much work:

• Use "Avatar" where "Christ" is used today.
• Prefer "Redeemer" to "Savior."
• "Liege" sounds fancier than "Lord."

Finally, instead of "faith," Marzano for sure will promote his favorite word "fidelity." So, if you are a Christian Marzano enthusiast, you can profess your fidelity in Jesus-Avatar and recognize Him as your Liege and Redeemer. Just don't forget to send your tithe to the Marzano Institute for Personal Enrichment. If you are a religious person reading this and you find it offensive, then you understand how teachers feel about this clown: 

Dr. Robert Marzano

So Futuristic

One challenge education has to face is that students of today need to be prepared for the economy of tomorrow. Educators have to anticipate what the future will look like for their students. We can look at current trends and use them to imagine how they will evolve.

Uber, Airbnb, and other companies are riding the wave of the "sharing economy." If we are to believe economic gurus, it is the wave of the future. The whole concept originates in the idea that anybody can do anything. DIY stores may have started that trend. Instead of hiring a qualified professional who possesses the skills and the tools needed to perform a job, people go to the DIY store, purchase the materials, the tools, and then spend hours figuring out how to do the job. Most of the time, they paint themselves into a corner. Sometimes, they end up in the hospital, except, of course, if they decide to reduce the fracture themselves and to do one more run to the DIY store to purchase some plaster to make a cast.

So, today, you can rent your sofa for one night to a "couchsurfer" or give El Chapo a ride to the airport. If this trend continues, soon anybody with a well-secured basement or a "red room" will be able to offer their service to house a few inmates. Calling 911 will connect you with Rita, who, from the comfort of her living room, will be able to dispatch a few armed guys from the neighborhood to deal with your intruders, or to try to negotiate an acceptable fee for some hose-owning neighbors to come and extinguish your house fire.

My generation was raised to believe in specialization. I specialize in an area, gain experience, become an "expert" at it, and sell my goods or services for money. I then turn to other people to help me with things that are beyond my expertise, and I pay them for their goods or services. However, if this "sharing economy" trend continues, though, people will return to the "jack-of-all-trades" era. Teachers, then, need to create Renaissance students with an encyclopedic knowledge. The problem with that idea is that, if 20 centuries ago, all of the world's knowledge could be contained in the 20,000 entries of Pliny the Elder's Naturalis Historiae, today we create as much data in one day as the world has in those 20 centuries since Pliny the Elder.

Some of this data ends up on the YouTube video that shows you how to change your refrigerator lamp yourself, so knowledge does not have to be memorized anymore. What we need to do is to teach students to follow directions, and they will be able to do anything... Unfortunately, the ONE THING my students have the most difficult time doing is to follow directions.

So Relaxed

For teachers, summer is more than just a vacation. This is the time to reflect, to review, to plan, to devise new strategies, to discover new methods, to imagine new ways. As I was sitting in my tiny room at the MIST (Mental Institution for Secondary Teachers), I came across Netflix's corporate culture slide presentation. Netflix believes that by treating its employees like adults and by trusting their judgment, it obtains better results. One thing it sees as completely counter-productive is top-down management. I could not help to compare that to the way teachers are seen by our administrators.

When I entered the profession, the main attraction (other, of course, than the freedom to spend some time in a mental institution during the summer months) was that I was given a clear goal (to teach a specified curriculum to a number of students), and that I could then devise my own ways to reach that goal. Teaching is an art, so teachers are aware of their imperfections and constantly strive to perfect their art. Today, teachers are told what to do on every level, on every little detail, on a daily basis. Our creativity is replaced by "data-driven" point charts. The fun is gone, as we are made to feel like robots delivering pre-packaged, freeze-fried, standardized, tasteless, and odorless content. Children feel it as well, as they have become the recipients of that uniformity as well as having been reduced to simple performers of THE TEST.

It is now time for my supervised stroll in the park outside. Enjoy the slideshow.

So Unionized

So, before we address the results of lengthy bargaining sessions between our union and the school district, I would like to tell you about an episode of Netflix's first season of Orange Is The New Black.

In this episode, the warden organizes elections for inmates to pick representatives. He then invites those representatives in his office to hear their concerns and suggestions. He starts the meeting by offering them doughnuts, then asks them to state their concerns. He takes copious notes, then states that implementing measures to improve things under the current budget would mean that he could not afford to bring doughnuts at meetings anymore. Everyone then understands that nothing will change and that the election and the committee were just a way for the warden to give inmates the illusion they were being heard.

Now, I believe I wanted to talk about the bargaining sessions between the union and the district... Or did I just do that? Sometimes I can be so easily distracted...

So Stereotypical

Very soon, our Superintendent will go head a smaller district to the north of us. Everyone keeps pretending it is all very natural for people to leave a high paying job for a less-high paying job, so I shall just ignore my natural instinct to imagine nasty reasons why he would have had to resign.

Our New Superintendent

Our school board picked a successor already. It was communicated to the plebs by releasing white smoke from the chimney at the district offices. Their pick is an Italian dude who used to teach in Orlando, decided he wanted to rise through the ranks, and ended up at the helm of Fulton County schools in Georgia. The guy, among all his degrees and certifications, holds a BS in Behavior Disorders. I kid you not. No surprise then that he was chosen to lead the asylum for demented clowns that is the SDPBC.

If we are to believe Italian stereotypes, parents better pay their kids' lunches on time, or else...
There is also a likelihood that pizza and spaghetti will be featured more often on the menu. The dress code for students will now include Dolce & Gabbana and Gucci. Teacher work rooms will feature espresso machines instead of the sad old drip ones. At parent/teacher conferences, expect all teachers to smoke cigarettes and to utter things like "thatsa spicy meatball!" or "shadappaya face!" They might also sport a mustache and wear overalls.

I can't wait for the day our new leader will park his Lamborghini at the Taj and start making us offers we can't refuse.

So Cryptic

Please let me know if you studied the crowded field of cryptology in college. I need to find someone to help me figure out how much I'll be making next year. The union and the district have resorted to a method once used by the Catholic Church to make sure that simple peons would have no clue about what was really going on. The Church used Latin to keep knowledge restricted to only a few. The District and the union are using a "fractionalized schedule" with arrows and color codes that make it almost impossible to understand what is being discussed.

If I don't understand anything about it, then it must be quite tough for a teacher moving into Florida from another state to figure out exactly how much she or he will be making here. Of course, it makes no sense to move into Florida from another state if you are a teacher, but sometimes people come here to be closer to their aging parents. Those teachers should understand that the step number has nothing to do with how many years they have been teaching. Those teachers should also familiarize themselves with VAM scores and Marzano's DQ (Dairy Queen) numbers. Then they can write a letter to their aging parents letting them know that they better learn how to use Skype if they want to stay in touch.

So Airy

The Test has arrived, and it is a new Test. You might say it is the Second Coming of the FCAT. Of course, all seven prophecies have been accomplished, and now, after 1,260 days spent by the two witnesses (the Test Administrator and the Proctor) to prepare for this moment, the Beast will finally ascend out of the bottomless pit.

There were signs that this day was coming. Diagnostic tests showed that the network failed to have the bandwidth required. Students could not log in. Essays were erased as by magic. Cryptic messages appeared on the screen ("Do you want to kill this page?"). Those of us who are well versed in the ancient texts tried to warn the Administration, the District, the State, but nobody wanted to hear our cries.

As students willingly march toward computer labs to experience the Great Tribulation, our excellencies sitting in their offices at the great Babylonian temple of Forrest Hill Boulevard will feel the wrath of God. Jeb the great deMagog will have to confess that his ideas on education were all a ploy to divert public funds into private pockets. AIR will be filled with the stench of corruption that brought this juicy little contract its way.

Please do not try to find ALL the answers to your questions in here. For example, it is not clear to me which of Johnson, Hernandez, or Marzano was the false messiah. I just hope one of those got you on your knees to repent. You will note that I did not include our current superintendent in this list, as he may have gotten people on their knees for other reasons than to repent...

So Compliant

After posting the latest entry, I realized that I had not posted anything since last October. What happened? The elections happened in November, and our governor won a reelection. To me, that meant a lot. When people elect someone new, you may argue that they did not know, that they were fooled. However, when they have the chance to see that person lead us for four years and decide that he or she should get a second term, it is a clear message that they liked what they saw.

In the first election four years ago, Florida voters had already disregarded the fact that Scott had defrauded Medicare of millions of dollars. This time, they had his record as Governor to look at before casting their ballots. Florida voters decided that Rick Scott needed to be given four more years.

In the light of that election, I did not get angry or frustrated. I reminded myself of the fact that I am a civil servant, an employee of the State of Florida, that I took an oath to serve my country and my state. If a majority of voters likes Rick Scott's policies, who am I to contradict them? I am not arrogant enough to argue that I know what is best and that the majority of people is wrong.

Let me be very clear: even though I KNOW that by following Scott's policies of defunding public schools to benefit private institutions, we are failing a whole generation of kids who will be ill-prepared for tomorrow's challenges, I believe that I must obey the mandate given to me by their parents. They clearly indicated to me through their vote what they want for their children. Whether I agree it is a good idea or not is irrelevant. I work for this State, and they made Rick Scott my boss. If Scott told me to teach students that Ronald Reagan was our first president and that he rode a velociraptor to and from the White House, I would gladly do it. All that ancient stuff about the colonies or the Civil War is boring my kids anyway.

Please check Jason Heuser's other amazing drawings of our presidents on the Deviant Art website.

So Coveted

Started watching the Academy Awards tonight. Movies can be watched by anybody, so when professionals vote to recognize their peers with an Oscar, it all makes sense.

What does NOT make sense is when teachers are asked to nominate one of their colleagues to receive one of those teacher awards. I have rarely seen another teacher at my school teach. It is a sad truth that we lack the time to sit and to observe other teachers. I bet we could learn a lot by doing so.

Teachers getting awards, then, must be popular with their colleagues, but not because they are good at educating children. They are nice to other people, get involved in committees, write curriculum, things like that. Maybe they ARE good teachers also. I actually believe that most teachers are doing a fantastic job. Singling out a few of them every year for an award at least reminds the public that teachers are there, working hard.

My award does not come in the shape of a statuette, though. My award is not an object. It is a kind word from a student or a thank you from a former student. Those are the prizes I cherish. Oh, and by the way, for you red carpets commentators and fashion police, tonight I'm wearing The Gap.