So Disastrous

So, the month of October is almost over, and most of it has been wasted on the altar of Testing again.

Our administrators are too busy to create a schedule that would allow teachers to see all their classes every day, so testing canceled the same two periods every day of the month, except for exams week. For teachers whose planning time falls during one of those two periods, well, too bad. "Comp' time" is being offered to compensate them.

Remind me why we are doing this again? Oh, yes, so that students and teachers know what to expect when the "real" test will be happening. Will we be better prepared to handle computer issues, software glitches, power outages, just because we have seen it all unfold this month? Oh, but not to worry, there is another one of those "diagnostic testing" months planned for the winter. We wasted a full month now, then we shall waste another in the winter, and finally a third one for the "real thing." Three months out of ten. Next year just as this year, our principal will open the first faculty meeting with this question: "How come our students are not making learning gains the way they should?"

Don't you DARE blame testing conditions, the test itself (if it was created by one of Jeb's friends, its validity must not be questioned), or the wasted instructional time. You and I KNOW who is to blame: those overpaid, lazy teachers. If a construction builder was told to build a house with 70% of the materials and in 70% of the time it usually takes, he would tell you to f*** off. Teachers don't act like this. Teachers are to remain civil and polite, because we all know that education is not about us: it's ALL ABOUT THE CHILDREN.

So Transferable

A brilliant demonstration, that is what it was. Years ago, I attended a series of Kaplan workshops on Cooperative Learning. On our last Professional Development Day, the Principal demonstrated one of those techniques for us. She asked us to number ourselves, then made us read a section of an article (based on our number), and finally we were to communicate with teachers who had gotten other numbers what our section was about. It seemed great.

For an unknown reason, I must have left my critical and analytical skills at home that day, because I failed to see the flaw in her demonstration. I left the meeting wondering if I could use the technique to make my students get more involved in reading the material. As a good little soldier, I tried to replicate the experience in my classroom. It failed to produce satisfactory results.

First, I blamed myself for not being able to do this. I must be an idiot. Then, my eyes opened to what I should have seen that day when the Principal used TEACHERS as participants in the little demonstration. Teachers, for the most part, comply with direct orders from their Principal. We read our section, we stood in line where she told us to go, we shared our discoveries with other teachers.

Students (particularly my middle school students) do not listen to directions, so they had no idea what was required of them. Writing the directions on the board for them, telling them what to do, repeating the same information 20 times (the second you are done answering Johnny's question, Mary asks the EXACT SAME question), it does not help.

After giving students the time to read a section of the text, I asked them to now join a student who had another number and explain what their section was about. They looked at me with an expression in their eyes that conveyed this message: "What? You seriously expected us to READ this section? I did let my eyes go over the page, but for a strange reason no cognitive activity took place." However, they enjoyed the chance I was giving them to talk with a classmate. They were talking about anything BUT the subject at hand.

I do not blame my Principal. She means well. We, the teachers, are to blame (but what else is new?). For a more realistic experience, we should have acted like middle school kids when she attempted the demonstration. We should have asked her to repeat the directions 20 times, failed to read the section, refused to stand in line, and used the opportunity to gossip with our colleagues. Of course, she would have gone crazy. Welcome to our world.

So Envious

You see them on the road. They drive cars that look EXTREMELY similar to law enforcement vehicles. They might have strobe lights behind the windshield. They have a spotlight attached next to the side view mirror. They might dress like cops, even carry a badge or ID that might lead you to believe they're actual law enforcement officers. I am referring to wanna-be cops, of course.

What is so special about that profession that so many people want to pretend being a police officer? Do other professions have wanna-bees? Are there fake mail carriers out there? Do fake restaurant managers come to your table and ask you if you need a refill? Do people don scrubs and a stethoscope and hang out near hospitals? Ever seen a guy wearing a white wig and a black robe in the hopes of being taken for a judge (other than for Halloween, of course)? Yes, I know many people who wear NFL jerseys, but none of them tries to make you believe they actually ARE the player whose name is on the back.

So, why are so many people attempting to display expertise in education who have absolutely ZERO training, degree, or classroom experience? They all seem to think that they would do a much better job if they were in my shoes. Of course, none of them would actually want to be in my shoes, face a bunch of kids all day, not be able to use the restroom when they want, or earn my salary. If there are wannabe-teachers, why do we not give them the chance to live their dream? Who needs to know anything about educational psychology, pedagogy, assessment and evaluation, addressing the needs of ESL or ESE students, or even the subject matter?

Starting Monday morning, I shall cease to discuss the quarterback's every game decision. I might still wear his jersey, though. A team needs support, not constant criticism. This goes for your child's school as well.

So Improved

Every school in Florida has to write an annual "School Improvement Plan" (SIP, for you acronym-lovers). If your school is a terrible place, you might write in there that your goal this year is to wrestle its control back from the gangs that are currently ruling it. According to the DoE, you need to write this as a set of measurable goals, such as:
By the end of this year, less than 80% of students will use Schedules I to III Controlled Substances, and less than 20% of the faculty will be providing those to their students.
or
By the end of this year, terminations of student pregnancies will be reduced in half compared to last year.

However, if your school is and has always been an "A-Rated" school due to its amazing location right in the middle of an affluent neighborhood and to the fact that every attempt at integration has failed, then what is there to improve? Do we really need to write an improvement plan?

Now, I realize that we may be extremely successful at what we do and still strive to improve. Here are a few ideas:

• Hire more minorities.
• Have more people TEACH and less people in "support" jobs.
• Treat teachers with respect, almost as if they were professionals.

Will those be in the next SIP? Yeah, right!

So Insidious

So, from the look of it, this promises to be a better year than the last one. I am of course talking about my students, because I know that the state, the district, and the school will find new ways to make my job even more difficult.

Last Friday, during that morning-long meeting intended to prevent us to properly prepare for the first day, the "PBS Coach" (yes, he looks a little like Big Bird) told us that "of course, we're not telling you NOT to write referrals," when of course, that is EXACTLY what they are doing.

PBS stands for Positive Behavior System, which sounds fantastic, just like NCLB ("No Child Left Behind"). PBS's official goal is to place the emphasis on positive reinforcement. I applaud that. However, the PBS team in my school (and maybe yours also) has a hidden agenda. Its real goal IS to lower the number of referrals written on students. Why? Because it makes the school (and therefore its administrators) look bad. Their thinking is: "A school where lots of referrals are written must have lots of discipline problems." Consequently, PBS has come up with a flowchart that indicates all the steps a teacher has to have taken first before writing a referral. Do I have to tell you that it involves LOTS of paperwork, phone calls, and wasted time? Guess what? Referrals have indeed come down in numbers in the last few years, to the great joy of our administrators. Of course, behavior has also gone worse during the same time, but that is not their problem. It is ours, so who cares? Teachers have given up on writing referrals, not just because of the wasted time and energy, but also because the consequences applied by administration are ridiculous: "Silent Lunch," or "Talked to Student." Oh, yes, I bet those students must be terrified and will indeed modify their behavior after those consequences!

Imagine the State Troopers being discouraged by their superiors to write tickets for speeding or dangerous driving. Politicians would then use statistics to show that roads are now safer, while in fact it would be the exact opposite. We would take the road with a false sense of security and end up in the hospital or the cemetery. It has been 15 years since the last teacher shot to death by a student in our District. Another one is long overdue.

So, thank you, PBS! Don't forget to call with your pledge. At the $50 level, we'll send you a stack of unused referrals. At the $100 level, an assortment of condoms and syringes used by students in the school bathrooms. At the $150, an invitation to the next shot teacher's funeral. It includes the speech from the superintendent about how dedicated that teacher was...

So Last-Minute

So, in a few minutes students will return to school and sit in front of me. Today, I'll have to learn the names of 127 students. Well, actually, I know some of them for having taught them in previous years, so it should make the task a little easier. As always, I promise myself that I'll be a strict, mean, well-respected, even feared, teacher, but I know I won't be able to.

Friday, our last day for getting everything ready, was consumed by meetings. Yes, we had a first-day meeting on Tuesday, but apparently it wasn't enough. Upon arriving at school, I saw a sign on the door that the office was closed because there was a meeting from 8 to 10. What? I hadn't heard of it. People tell me it was in that welcome back letter we received at home during the summer. Really? Who still sends letters? That meeting lasted ALL MORNING. Then in the afternoon, there were department meetings and grade-level meetings. When are we to prepare? Oh, yes, the school would open its doors on Saturday for the fools who want to work extra hours just because administration made it impossible for us to accomplish anything during regular hours.

Ready or not, here we go...

So Hypocritical

So, here we are all gathered once again at the onset of what promises to be the best year ever. Of course, the initial faculty meeting is always a little painful. If you have ever stopped doing any exercise for a few months and then gone back to the gym, you know the pain I am referring to.

Even though the principal wants us to believe that this is us "conversing" or "dialoguing," she is the only one talking, so it is more like she tells us how it is, how it should be, and how miserable at our job we are, even though this school is and has been an "A-rated" school since its inception. All this is supported by gorgeous District-created graphs projected on the screen. Test scores are going down. It MUST be because of our poor performance. How else could you explain it? What? Testing conditions were terrible last year? Computers were not working the way they should have? Students were parked in the cafeteria all morning with music blasting and then took the test in the afternoon? We lost a whole MONTH of instruction to this lunacy? NO-NO-NO-NO-NO! It is the TEACHERS' fault! We are terrible, and it is time to change that. To start with, we are now going to be subjected to twice the fun, as the principal has decided to conduct TWO faculty meetings per month this year instead of one. That will give her more occasions to try to get us to use the words the District wants us to use, like: "I am teaching this to fidelity." Do not ask me what it means, but it sounds good to their excellences.

Now, she keeps a straight face to ask us: "How can we make sure that we prepare students for high school?" We are in the same exact room where three months ago the same administrators told us to let our students pass, no matter how terrible their grades were. So, we are to lower our expectations only when it is convenient, and pretend to raise them the rest of the time?

So Professional

So, if you ask students what they want to become when they grow up, they always seem to aspire to the same few professions: doctor, firefighter, police officer, lawyer, veterinarian, and so on. Some seriously deranged kids will say "teacher," but they obviously just say that to please the teacher. No sane individual would pick that as a profession.

A way for white parents to circumvent the annoying fact that their little angels have to share a room with black kids (can you imagine the trauma?) is to enroll their kids in a "magnet" or "choice" program. Those programs aim to prepare the students to careers in the fields of medicine, business, law, engineering, the arts,... However, if you look around you and see the jobs that actual people have, you quickly realize that our schools do very little to prepare students for those jobs. Real jobs include bagger at your local supermarket, barista, or being the lady that pushes the rich old lady's wheelchair at the mall. We need academies to prepare our students for those careers. We need the District to finance more of those academies, and let kids explore a wider variety of possible professions. Among those are:

• Game show host
• Sad white clown
• Sports team mascot
• Crime scene cleaner
• Taxidermist
• Telemarketer
• Used car salesperson
• Road Construction Flagger
• Funeral Director

Don't laugh. All those are valid professions, and many (including flagger) require an official state training and certification. The French say: "Il n'est point de sot métier." There is no silly job.

So Time-Consuming

Between the actual testing, the several "diagnostic" tests that came before it, and the pep rally, I am calculating that we have lost at least 18 days of instruction to the FCAT this year. Out of 180 days of school, that is 10% of the instructional time. I am more than one month behind schedule compared to previous years. How is that insanity supposed to improve the state of education?

Of course, I reached (and passed) the point where I gave up on it all. High stakes testing, VAM, additional hurdles toward recertification, Marzano's lunacy, the 3% pay cut all Florida public employees are experiencing, added to the fact that, adjusted for inflation, I am making the same amount of money as I was when I started teaching 15 years ago, all these reasons have combined to first erode, then destroy my enthusiasm for this profession. A vocation has become a job. This is my job. I go in a classroom, teach to those kids who are willing to listen to me, ignore the others just as long as they don't endanger the safety of their classmates (after all, I am paid to babysit them while their parents earn a real wage). For the second year in a row, our administrators told us very clearly to let 8th-graders go to high school, not to fail those problem children, lest we might have to deal with them again next year.

Don't blame me. I used to care.

So Academic

We are fast approaching the moment we all live for. Everything we do from the moment we wake up until the time we go to bed is meant to prepare ourselves for this grandiose event. It happens only once a year, just like Christmas, the Westminster Dog Show, your birthday, or the day you find that lost sock behind the washing machine.

There is no need to fear the FCAT, though. Students have been bubbling their ignorance away since the third grade. They have become experts at designing masterful patterns on the answer sheet. They welcome the chance to be able to sit quietly for a few hours and to enjoy the feeling of a world devoid of the constant buzzing of their phones alerting them that “OMG, Joey dumped Katie. LOL.”

Unfortunately, this may be one of the last times we are administering the FCAT. Millions of students have taken it over the years. Some of those students may even have an actual job today. Millions of tax dollars have been given to publishers and “testing companies” that produced beautifully designed graphics and data that could be compared to art, in the sense that one can appreciate its beauty without quite understanding its real purpose. So, as we are getting ready to submit our students to this rite of passage, let us not forget that we owe it to ourselves to bask in the FCAT’s glory, to worship its magnificence, to give thanks to its grand priests, to recommend our souls to its makers, and to forever remember that we were there for the students when they needed us the most, giving them a freshly sharpened, untouched #2 pencil just as theirs had broken under the added pressure of test anxiety.

So Political

So, our state politicians are at it in Tallahassee, tackling the most important issues of the day. Remember, there is a gubernatorial election this year, so Republicans want to make it look like education IS important to them. How do you accomplish that while at the same time siphoning away an even greater amount of tax dollars from the school districts and into the pockets of your generous corporate donors? Easy. The solution is to set more money aside for charter schools, thereby sending less money to the public schools. Add to the mix more unfunded mandates for the public schools to follow and to finance on their own, and voilà! Another Republican tour de force will be played.

Of course, every effort will also be made to make veteran teachers leave the profession, now that newly hired teachers have no chance of getting tenure anymore. New teachers cost less and have a vested interest to comply with every idiotic mandate they are subjected to. Veterans tend to resist fads and have the interest of kids at heart. That is a very dangerous combination for the powers that be.

So, the solution is to take even more dollars away from our paychecks. The Florida legislature is attempting to increase the contribution that public servants make to the Florida Retirement System.
There is absolutely no fairness in the process. This is a pay cut, disguised under another name, but a real pay cut that hurts. At the same time, our excellencies in the state capital are considering allowing some teachers to be armed with something else than patience or creativity. They would allow some teachers to carry a firearm on school property. Yes, the same legislature that wants to make teachers seriously angry at a pay cut wants to give those teachers the ability to shoot people. Is that really wise? Would you be happy knowing that your child spends the day in a room with a person that is both angry AND armed? I guess our politicians will have to think twice the next time they visit a school for a photo-op... Meanwhile, I am going to invest in companies that make bulletproof vests.